When to let go? - RELATIONSHIP Edition
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
So in the crazy world we all have a personal journey. Personal Journey- a goal that you feel in your hearth, soul, and mind. Everyone has one, some experience their personal journey at different parts of your life. You all should read the book The Alchemist, GREATTTTT book. Speaking of reading I am wearing a The Read shirt while listening to The Read, hey y'all love y'alls. Happy Holidays to you all. Its been a rough few months for me but, I am here and grateful for life. I know this will sound basic but, What are y'all grateful for. Serious question, what do you do when you run into someone that personally tormented your childhood. I did today actually recently, I remembered everything about this individual and how they were a huge bully. When I use to hear those infomercials about bullying I use to always say, " I was never bullied". Seeing this person today made we realize I actually was bullied. He hated me for nooooo apparent reason. I think the reason was because he actually liked me and was trying to fight it out of him by being a terrible person to me. I also remember the "quiet moments" where it felt more intimate. Not sure if this is true but this is what I told myself when it would happen. Hmmmmmm maybe because he knew what was going down with me and so 'n' so. I man can only imagine. Crazy enough, I actually had a crush on this bully. Very weird. I mean he was cute lol. But, that's not the point. I saw him and my life kinda stopped like "yooooooooooooo I would fight you right now" but we are all grown now. We had a conversation. He was so interestedly enthused to see me. Why? I was so confused. We chatted over life and where we are now. The feeling of hate, and love in the same moment filled the chasm which only about 50 ft between us. That was really odd to me. I have typed "but" so many times in this post and I keep deleting it. Talking about life, I am currently living a situation-ship. Some days I am in a relationship, next day I am not. With my bf it's like flipping a coin. This is not compatible with life. I have times when I want to just be free. Like these few days with my family and friends I have felt so free. Walking in Walmart not having the feeling that someone is hovering over you has been a blast. Relationship, do I really want one? The ideal of being alone forever sounds miserable. The idea of being temporarily single doesn't sound to bad. I am in love with him but it is like, if you cant trust me and keep living in the best just give it up. This journey has been rough maybe it's time to take a break. Like I feel like bottled wine with the crock so close to popping of and when its off the pressure is gone. I have always heard that "Relationships should be fun" and "save the arguing for when you are married". right now I am not having fun. The idea of graduation and vet school in the near future makes me think about what are we ultimately doing. Child, I do not know. But, anyway I am living my best life can keep going back and forth with you. My brother just sparked the ideal of "being the first" is always the worst when things go bad. I will save that for another post. I have been a terrible friend this weekend. I was suppose to see sooooo many people but I just but my phone on DND for the entire day. SOOOOOOOOO if I do not reply that is why, lol. But thanks for always supporting me love you all!
So in the crazy world we all have a personal journey. Personal Journey- a goal that you feel in your hearth, soul, and mind. Everyone has one, some experience their personal journey at different parts of your life. You all should read the book The Alchemist, GREATTTTT book. Speaking of reading I am wearing a The Read shirt while listening to The Read, hey y'all love y'alls. Happy Holidays to you all. Its been a rough few months for me but, I am here and grateful for life. I know this will sound basic but, What are y'all grateful for. Serious question, what do you do when you run into someone that personally tormented your childhood. I did today actually recently, I remembered everything about this individual and how they were a huge bully. When I use to hear those infomercials about bullying I use to always say, " I was never bullied". Seeing this person today made we realize I actually was bullied. He hated me for nooooo apparent reason. I think the reason was because he actually liked me and was trying to fight it out of him by being a terrible person to me. I also remember the "quiet moments" where it felt more intimate. Not sure if this is true but this is what I told myself when it would happen. Hmmmmmm maybe because he knew what was going down with me and so 'n' so. I man can only imagine. Crazy enough, I actually had a crush on this bully. Very weird. I mean he was cute lol. But, that's not the point. I saw him and my life kinda stopped like "yooooooooooooo I would fight you right now" but we are all grown now. We had a conversation. He was so interestedly enthused to see me. Why? I was so confused. We chatted over life and where we are now. The feeling of hate, and love in the same moment filled the chasm which only about 50 ft between us. That was really odd to me. I have typed "but" so many times in this post and I keep deleting it. Talking about life, I am currently living a situation-ship. Some days I am in a relationship, next day I am not. With my bf it's like flipping a coin. This is not compatible with life. I have times when I want to just be free. Like these few days with my family and friends I have felt so free. Walking in Walmart not having the feeling that someone is hovering over you has been a blast. Relationship, do I really want one? The ideal of being alone forever sounds miserable. The idea of being temporarily single doesn't sound to bad. I am in love with him but it is like, if you cant trust me and keep living in the best just give it up. This journey has been rough maybe it's time to take a break. Like I feel like bottled wine with the crock so close to popping of and when its off the pressure is gone. I have always heard that "Relationships should be fun" and "save the arguing for when you are married". right now I am not having fun. The idea of graduation and vet school in the near future makes me think about what are we ultimately doing. Child, I do not know. But, anyway I am living my best life can keep going back and forth with you. My brother just sparked the ideal of "being the first" is always the worst when things go bad. I will save that for another post. I have been a terrible friend this weekend. I was suppose to see sooooo many people but I just but my phone on DND for the entire day. SOOOOOOOOO if I do not reply that is why, lol. But thanks for always supporting me love you all!
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