Why am I so DAMN sensitive???

This weekend has been very hectic/strange/informational. I have cried a lot this weekend as well as shared many laughs with family. The original name for the blog was going to be "Why am I so Sensitive", but I thought that this title is more action packed. Shit, IDK i might still change it back. But what do you thing when someone who you put your trust in and has shares your blood betrays you? I have a huge heart, sometimes it is to big and I am the one who ends up played. But in this instant I allowed a family member who could be classified as a stranger a little closer into my intermediate family circle. Growing up this family was to a point ripped away from us due to family issues (for the lack of better words). Recently, 1-2 years ago we made contact through one of these apps out now a days. Too many. But anyway, we reconnected and I was starting to feel like it was time to bring the family together in person rather than through the phone. My mother had this random idea to have this huge family cookout. Cousins I haven't seen in years were there and we all were just enjoying each other company. Even though I was extremely late. If you know me you know that I am not usually late. I had another events scheduled for that weekend and I kind of got over booked. But it all worked out everyone was happy,, for the most part. Wow, that was a tangent that i just went on and I am still on it know. GET IT TOGETHER- India.Arie beings to play in my head.. But i invite said family member over and at first of course it was awkward as hell. Even though we family it still is weird meeting someone for the first time. Well normally not for me but, ehhhh. It was awesome having all of the young men from my fathers side of the family come over. We drank played video games just enjoyed each others company that has been greatly missed over the past at least 10 years for some of us, and shorter maybe like 5 years for others. But it as great, we ultimately had a huge sleep over. Yes, a group of grown men having a sleep over at our parents house. When we woke up that is when shit hit the fan. We noticed that a something was missing. Then something else was missing, and lastly this item took the cake. Something was up. Questions were asked people were interrogated and the whole shabang. Of the 6 people who were in the area were all these things went missing there was only 1 1/2 people it could have been. The 1/2 is for another time lol. The 1 was that family member that I had become close with. I was torn between my FAMILY and my FAMILY. I couldn't believe that all that was happening. (and my other family member was in the corner puking his life away lol,,,,, goodnight, goodnight). I was so hurt that I still don't really understand what happened. After a few hours the family started to leave that left that one family member there with my family. As time went on we kind of started to forget but not really. We were not as uncomfortable with the situation as we were in the beginning. But the pain of a family member hurting you was still there. After we all left I felt terrible. For two reasons. 1) I let this person into my realm even thought they were family and this event happened, 2) why/how/when/where would you do this to me of all people who have been helping you out this entire time. It still hurts to replay the situation in my head. Everyone was so angry and of the family I have always been the outspoken individual. I always speak my mind, even for others sometimes. In the heat of the moment I accused this family member of the crime. I sent a text that I still to this moment regret even if this person did it, they didn't deserve it. In the moment I felt as thought I had to speak up for my brothers, cousins, and the individuals involved. After I sent the text I received a call from my parents who could sense that my mood was off when I was leaving to head back to my apartment. They talked me about family history that was never discussed. The darker side of my family. After hearing what they had to say I felt worst. But, ultimately I needed those words. I felt like I let everyone else control my emotions and I was not able to contain them and the were released in a disgusting text. I instantly felt regretful and began to apologize to this individual. Even though people around we said the text was not as bad as I was making it out to be, in my soul that is not something that I partake in. At the end of the day we are a family. I am not sure about how my family on my father side is really do to not growing with them but they seem like the type of people to "banish" people from the family. From talking to said individual I was his outlook to a very nasty world to him. When I sent that text I felt nasty like a family members who is quick to turn there back on family. And that is not within my character at all. I would never want his ti feel that way about me of all people. I understood how you have to forgive. I learned so much about my character that day, shit this weekend. Since then we have I guess sweep the pavement (if this is how that quote goes shit I don't know) of that situation and we actually talk more now like everyday. I love all of my family regardless of how life treats you. That's how I was raised to be. =)
Oh yea and Briana Girl your baby shower was amazing I love you and can't wait for baby.
YES I am wearing a diaper out of towel paper lol