Incomplete Without Family

February 05, 2019

Incomplete Without Family

Hello All,

I started this blog a week ago before I left for my trip to New Jersey. I was going to "pre-shadow" the trip then post-Shadow the trip, but I could not write. The reason for me going is to celebrate the life of a great man for the last time. My Great Grandfather passed away. Once told that we would be traveling to New Jersey I was excited to see my family, but the real reason we were going did not set in until a few days before we left. I was seriously depressed. I couldn't work, and when I did, I left early or spent hours doing nothing. What broke the camels back was the lab meeting last Thursday. I mentally could NOT handle being fussed at the slightest. I held my shit took it on but had a great result. I have so many new things to do with my research because of that. I believe that good fortune came from my Grandad. The day he passed we were notified the day after the news. When I got up to head out to get some fresh air, a leaf from the dinner room plant was in my pocket. There is no explanation as to why or how this leaf landed there, but it was there. I asked my roommate was it placed there by him deliberately, but he said no. I see it as a God Wink from my Gramps! That was cool I framed that leaf now he will forever be with me.
Getting back to the reason as to why I wanted to set this blog up that way (which did not happen) was I wanted to see if my raw feeling would change after the trip. Initially, I felt as though my cousins didn't care about us. My family moved away from Jersey when I was a baby to "start over". When we were younger, we spent most holidays/summers in New Jersey but, as you get older, it can get hard to get everyone together due to different schedules. I guess us moving to NJ made me feel neglected from that part of my family. The older we got and traveled to see them the more we were becoming Strangers to each other.
Whenever I went, I made it my goal to be as social as possible, but my brother does not always travel with us to NJ. This made the rift between them and my family more extensive than mine. The last time I saw them was at my cousin's Wedding 2017. The last time they saw them was ...... yea idk. Before we left, I felt as though it would have been the same 'ol same 'ol. My family over here everyone else over there. That we would be sitting there talking to ourselves that no one would want to converse with us. At first when we all got together during the repass I had that feeling, the feeling of neglect. It felt like there were different crews of cousins scattered about. But, after the wedding we all got together at my uncle's house and the mood I felt instantly changed. We were all joking, laughing, drinking, and together. I loved the fact that we did not lose that cousin bond. I thought we were starting to forget each other, but now I know that is not the case. I low-key felt five y/o again in my aunt's basements. It was amazing. I left knowing that I have a family, that I love can depend on.
With all that being said, the Trip was overall a success! I am soooooooo glad I was able to see my family again. We all haven't been together since Florida 2010 maybe, I honestly may have made that date up. But anyways, we have a group chat now that is currently being overrun with Aunties lol. But anyways thanks for reading again! I love you guys sooo much. I will talk to you soon. I was also able to see my sisters grave for the first time. RIP John Andrew Carter (Great- Grandfather), and Tenecia D. Harper (Poobie).