New Year, Same Friends!

Hello, as I sit here watching RHOA I'm reflecting my weekend. My weekend was memorable. One of my good friends turned 21 🎁🎈🎈 which is very exciting. This weekend has open my eyes to how the friends I met my freshman year are the friends that I have now. It's weird because (being honest) I haven't been the "best" friend that I know I can be. Last school year I was distance and I'm really hate that I was. The friends I was distance too were so encouraging, inspiring, and outspoken. They were older so I learned a lot from them. Reflecting on old photos we always had fun! Why did I become so distant? I don't know? I guess the pressures of college drew me away from them. This weekend together I was so happy to see the crew (the ones who lasted) (no shade) all in the same area. Huddled in a circle talking. WOOW it took me back to walking downtown 2-1 (Feb. 1) with them. Then to going to the Christmas parades, and the football games. The endless shade we threw that we never meant anything by (even though majority of it was truth lol). Then I remember the college parties, and the dorm parties, GHOE... I remember the org fair was LIT lol. Walking to the club drunk, cursing out taxi drivers DRUNK,,,,,  good times lol. One of my new year resolution was to becomes a better friend to all. I don't know if I ever spoke on this (probably have) but in grade school junior high before I came out to the world about my sexuality there was this girl, since then we have made up but it burned me so deep that the wound will take a while to heal if it heals. Anyway.... Me and her were friends one day we had a falling out and she being the only person I told my then dark secret to then,,, she kinda fooled  me to admitting it to her in a person message to her and when it was in the message she screenshot it an decided to post our conversation on Facebook. She tried to tag as much people as she could in the picture with the comment of "when yu cross me you see what happens" in this moment I was terrified "what if my mom finds out? What will my friends think? How will this change ME?" 

Since then I haven't be able to trust people as much,  we get close and then I always just naturally become distant. It's something that I'm working on and I will promise that I would be more involved with my friends since they are graduating soon we have to make the best of it!